2024 REFLECTIONS PT.1
Jan. 3rd, 2025 12:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kadukie What happened over the last year?
i was laid off from my job of 10 years that i was in severe corporate stockholm syndrome with. the whole experience of the layoff itself and the events leading up to it was deeply traumatizing: there was genuine joy coming off of 2023 but that led into my boss gaslighting me for several weeks after the holidays. then mid-february a cold surprise phone call with HR. no one showed me their face on camera. my access was immediately terminated. i had also just been up the night before finishing an important report and had easily clocked over 40 hours that week already. this job had become my entire identity in that ten years and i feel like i've spent all of my time since then trying to rewire my brain and find myself again. the work is not done yet.
my children also turned 3 and 13. parenting is hard but it gives me purpose and a reason to get out of bed in the morning and i felt that this year.
i also contended with a presidential election that shook me to my core. read some (kinda maybe very marxist) literature to comfort myself and a sprinkle of garbage too. humanity is truly a spectrum.
What brought me joy?
rediscovering creative work and allowing myself to LIVE LIFE again.
sitting out in the sun in my backyard with my good boi.
spending time with my ride or die friends and partner who i all love so deeply.
What drained me?
unemployment, naturally. both the layoff and the stress of no longer having an income.
parenting a toddler and a preteen simultaneously.
always feeling like i am the one creating and executing the plans.
medical issues and just being a hot fucking mess most of the time.
What do I wish I did more of?
traveled and taken vacations or made road trips. unfortunately, these experiences cost money that i don't have to spend (plus being an american is literally the "we have x at home" meme.)
seen my friends even more. especially in intimate "deep conversations" kind of settings.
What do I wish I did less of?
moping around my house disassociating.
drinking too much and being hungover.
giving my ruminating thoughts space to breathe and engaging in negative self talk.
What did I learn?
that your coworkers are very typically not your friends.
that i value authenticity, and i am still a romantic and an idealist for better or worse. this is my own personal explanation for my naivety about the corporate world, but i also feel like it's fundamentally who i am and why i've made the life decisions that i've made.
What did I lose?
my job and my confidence and my income and my sanity lol.
my plans to visit japan next spring.
What did I gain?
freedom and time
Did my activities align with my values?
for the most part? yes, though it was the conflict of my values vs others and their incompatibility that ultimately made me miserable this year. what a fun twist!
What are the top five things I’m grateful for?
my physical health
my family and my friends
my financial stability despite current circumstances; partially in thanks to my ability to plan ahead and the efforts i've placed into being financially literate
my home and my safety
my anger and passion
✨ coming up next: imagining 2025 ✨
i was laid off from my job of 10 years that i was in severe corporate stockholm syndrome with. the whole experience of the layoff itself and the events leading up to it was deeply traumatizing: there was genuine joy coming off of 2023 but that led into my boss gaslighting me for several weeks after the holidays. then mid-february a cold surprise phone call with HR. no one showed me their face on camera. my access was immediately terminated. i had also just been up the night before finishing an important report and had easily clocked over 40 hours that week already. this job had become my entire identity in that ten years and i feel like i've spent all of my time since then trying to rewire my brain and find myself again. the work is not done yet.
my children also turned 3 and 13. parenting is hard but it gives me purpose and a reason to get out of bed in the morning and i felt that this year.
i also contended with a presidential election that shook me to my core. read some (kinda maybe very marxist) literature to comfort myself and a sprinkle of garbage too. humanity is truly a spectrum.
What brought me joy?
rediscovering creative work and allowing myself to LIVE LIFE again.
sitting out in the sun in my backyard with my good boi.
spending time with my ride or die friends and partner who i all love so deeply.
What drained me?
unemployment, naturally. both the layoff and the stress of no longer having an income.
parenting a toddler and a preteen simultaneously.
always feeling like i am the one creating and executing the plans.
medical issues and just being a hot fucking mess most of the time.
What do I wish I did more of?
traveled and taken vacations or made road trips. unfortunately, these experiences cost money that i don't have to spend (plus being an american is literally the "we have x at home" meme.)
seen my friends even more. especially in intimate "deep conversations" kind of settings.
What do I wish I did less of?
moping around my house disassociating.
drinking too much and being hungover.
giving my ruminating thoughts space to breathe and engaging in negative self talk.
What did I learn?
that your coworkers are very typically not your friends.
that i value authenticity, and i am still a romantic and an idealist for better or worse. this is my own personal explanation for my naivety about the corporate world, but i also feel like it's fundamentally who i am and why i've made the life decisions that i've made.
What did I lose?
my job and my confidence and my income and my sanity lol.
my plans to visit japan next spring.
What did I gain?
freedom and time
Did my activities align with my values?
for the most part? yes, though it was the conflict of my values vs others and their incompatibility that ultimately made me miserable this year. what a fun twist!
What are the top five things I’m grateful for?
my physical health
my family and my friends
my financial stability despite current circumstances; partially in thanks to my ability to plan ahead and the efforts i've placed into being financially literate
my home and my safety
my anger and passion
✨ coming up next: imagining 2025 ✨
